When Seasons Change: Grieving the Life You Thought You’d Have
September often ushers in a feeling of change. The air cools, leaves begin to turn, and the rhythm of life shifts. Just as the external seasons change, our internal lives are also marked by constant life transitions. Sometimes these changes are welcome, sometimes they are forced upon us. But often, beneath the surface of change, lies a quiet form of grief and loss – the grief for the life we imagined, the plans that didn't unfold, the future we thought we were building. This isn't the kind of grief typically marked by funerals or sympathy cards, yet it can be profoundly painful and deserves acknowledgment.
The Grief No One Talks About: When Plans Go Astray
We all carry blueprints in our minds – ideas about how our career would progress, what our family life will look like, where we would live, or what our health would be like. When reality diverges significantly from that blueprint – perhaps due to job loss, relationship breakdown, infertility, illness, relocation, or simply unrealized dreams – we experience a loss. This is sometimes called ambiguous loss: a loss that lacks the clarity, definition, or social recognition of a physical death. Because it's often intangible and unseen, we might feel like we don't have the "right" to grieve, or we might not even recognize our feelings as grief.
Normalizing Sadness During Change
Feeling sad, disappointed, angry, confused, or numb during life transitions is completely normal, even if the change itself seems positive on the surface (like graduating but missing the structure of school, or starting a new relationship but grieving the end of singledom). Change inherently involves letting go of something – a familiar routine, a sense of identity, a specific hope for the future. Allowing yourself to feel the sadness associated with this letting go is not pessimism; it's emotional honesty. Suppressing these feelings often leads to them manifesting in other ways (like anxiety, irritability, or burnout). Seeking grief therapy can be incredibly helpful in validating and processing these complex emotions.
Practicing Self-Compassion Through Difficult Times
Naming and Honoring "Invisible Grief"
Because ambiguous loss isn't always recognized externally, acknowledging it internally becomes even more critical. Give yourself permission to name what you lost – not just the tangible thing (like a job), but the associated hopes and dreams (like financial security, professional identity, or anticipated future).
Ways to honor this invisible grief:
Journaling: Write freely about the imagined future and the feelings associated with its loss.
Talking About It: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can listen without judgment. Saying it out loud can be incredibly validating.
Creative Expression: Use art, music, movement, or other creative outlets to process the emotions.
Small Rituals: Create a personal ritual to mark the letting go – perhaps writing down the lost dream and safely burning or burying the paper, or planting something new as a symbol of transition.
Honoring the grief doesn't mean wallowing; it means giving your valid emotional experience the space it needs to be processed.
Healthy Coping Strategies for Managing Sadness and Disappointment
Creating Space for New Dreams (Without Erasing the Past)
Acknowledging the grief and loss of what didn't happen is essential before you can genuinely open up to new possibilities. This isn't about quickly "getting over it" or replacing the old dream with a new one. It's a gentler process of integration.
Allow for Transition Time: Recognize that there might be a period of feeling adrift or uncertain after acknowledging the loss. This "neutral zone" is a natural part of life transitions.
Focus on Values: Reconnect with your core values. What truly matters to you? Let your values guide your next steps, rather than trying to recreate the exact lost dream.
Cultivate Curiosity: Gently explore new interests or paths without pressure. What sparks even a tiny bit of curiosity?
Embrace Imperfection: Let go of the need for a perfect "Plan B." New dreams often emerge organically and may look very different from what you initially envisioned.
Small Steps: Focus on small, manageable actions that align with potential new directions, rather than feeling pressured to have a whole new life plan figured out immediately.
Creating space for new dreams happens alongside the grief, not necessarily after it. It's about learning to carry the memory of what was hoped for while tentatively stepping towards what is now possible.
Navigating the changing seasons of life and the grief they sometimes bring requires self-compassion and intentional reflection.
To help you process the complex feelings around unmet expectations and gently explore what might lie ahead, download our guided journal prompts, "Navigating Life's Changing Seasons." Take some quiet time this week to connect with your experience and honor your journey.
Click the link below to get your copy!
Interested in working together or ready to book a session?
Feel free to fill out the form below—or even better, give me a call at (678) 644-0997.
I’d love to connect and talk things through with you!
Please note: This email isn’t monitored 24/7. If you’re experiencing a crisis or emergency, please call 911 or 988 for immediate support.